Is it too much to ask for some effort/understanding/sensitivity? I don't know who's at fault here...I just want people to look beyond the prickly obvious and understand the fear behind it. The fear of being hurt, betrayed, used...its overwhelming..especially in the face of uncertainty. Why shouldn't I question the intent at this stage- isn't it the obvious conclusion to make when making any effort appears so difficult for the other party? Across a distance, what else is the comfort or reassurance one draws other than the obvious gestures?
Don't they realize that the only way to protect myself is to be matter-of-fact and not let the turmoil and attachment escape and give me away? To let my emotions pour out would be giving them too much control on me - it would be apparent just how far gone I am, and the dependence would become too obvious...the other person would get to know of it and use it to their benefit...not a good situation, especially when there is a possibility that the other person could very soon come and tell you "...i don't think this is working...long distance...am seeing another person.." meaning "crumple and dump!".
What do i expect - i don't know. Am naturally distrustful of the situation, so nothing other than the extremely obviously romantic gestures will do - romantic being defined my way...not the conventional. Would I do something like this? Oh yes! I'd do a lot of these things - however difficult it might be to implement them. Not doing it in the name of practicality, seems like taking the easy way out. Even if it means taking the early morning, late night flights to be with that person, I'd do that...even it it meant manipulating meetings to suit this schedule, I'd do that...even if it meant taking calls from the boss in less than ideal circumstances, I'd do that. But, alas, thats me! Why can't somebody do these things for me?!!! :-(
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
Of the (Wo)men's movement!!!
The men it seems have decided to claim the women's movement for their own! The Hindu on Sunday, carried an article on the need for men in the women's movement. Now, this is not about progressive men including themselves in women's groups and feminist movements. This is about addressing men as a target audience for the feminist ideology.
Personally, I am ambivalent about the premise of the article. It states that there needs to be a specific, and concerted effort at including men in order to empower women. This is not a need to include men in women's groups - it is more an effort to educate men separately, convert more men to the empowerment ideology,so that there is "true gender equity".
While I agree that gender inequities cannot be addressed in isolation, it seems to me that its too presumptuous to cast men as "victims of patriarchy, as much as the women".I would be willing to be victimized indeed if it let me make the choices denied to half the planet, and let me abuse, subjugate and at the very least lead a better quality of life than half the human population.
The women's movement's first priority has to be women - men can come help, support and emancipate, but alongside us, not expecting to be treated any different, not expecting to be singled out for praise. Every human being, man or woman, who believes in equality and stakes their life on this belief, deserves thanks from the women's movement.
Every 7 minutes, a woman is raped in India - who's the victim here?! Its rather tough to go on about educating young boys and men on sex, gender and the need to treat a fellow human being with dignity, when you are in danger of being gang raped and worse! Education has done nothing to improve the behavior of men or the safety of women - every day the number of women who are in abusive marriages, without security, with children, with AIDS increases. And this is just the ones who have chosen to speak, out of desperation.
Believe me, I would love to have the boys of today, reared to be responsible men of tomorrow, but I would rather ensure enough girls get a chance to be born, reared and survive, till then. For the world would be drab, dreary, monotonous and lacking perspective without the woman to light it up.
Personally, I am ambivalent about the premise of the article. It states that there needs to be a specific, and concerted effort at including men in order to empower women. This is not a need to include men in women's groups - it is more an effort to educate men separately, convert more men to the empowerment ideology,so that there is "true gender equity".
While I agree that gender inequities cannot be addressed in isolation, it seems to me that its too presumptuous to cast men as "victims of patriarchy, as much as the women".I would be willing to be victimized indeed if it let me make the choices denied to half the planet, and let me abuse, subjugate and at the very least lead a better quality of life than half the human population.
The women's movement's first priority has to be women - men can come help, support and emancipate, but alongside us, not expecting to be treated any different, not expecting to be singled out for praise. Every human being, man or woman, who believes in equality and stakes their life on this belief, deserves thanks from the women's movement.
Every 7 minutes, a woman is raped in India - who's the victim here?! Its rather tough to go on about educating young boys and men on sex, gender and the need to treat a fellow human being with dignity, when you are in danger of being gang raped and worse! Education has done nothing to improve the behavior of men or the safety of women - every day the number of women who are in abusive marriages, without security, with children, with AIDS increases. And this is just the ones who have chosen to speak, out of desperation.
Believe me, I would love to have the boys of today, reared to be responsible men of tomorrow, but I would rather ensure enough girls get a chance to be born, reared and survive, till then. For the world would be drab, dreary, monotonous and lacking perspective without the woman to light it up.
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